End of another era and MidSummer Eves 2023

Work
 
On the 15th of March I was having my normal meeting with the team to fill them in on some updates that had happened during the past week. After all said and done, one of the team members asked me if our project is shutting down. I hadn't heard anything, so I said no. To that she copied me an e-mail that was sent to everyone in the Tallinn/Tartu offices announcing the closure of my project...
Turned out it was all true. The client had decided to move their services away from my country, thus ending my project in this office. Since there was nothing else left for me to do in the company, I had to leave it. After over six years of working there (two at first, then my two year break in Australia and after coming back I worked another 4,5 years there by end) it was time to find my new path.
I loved working there (for the most part), but I am not lying when I say that I was happy it ended. It was time. Stress and the negative experiences were getting to me and I had been thinking about leaving for a while now. So this way it just happened own it's own. Just a shame how it happened...

Originally our last workday was supposed to be the 31st of May, but let's just say due to some "technical difficulties" we worked until around the afternoon on the Monday (29th of May) and got the next two days just as paid days off. On the 31st we met up in the office one last time with some co-workers and the project manager. We ordered pizza, chatted for about an hour or so, I sent out my last reports, set an out of office message and that was it. Said my good-byes to the people in the office from other projects and off I went. I was sad, because something had ended. But I was not sad that this had ended. I almost shed a tear at the receptionist table, but held back and was distracted by the chatter of others, so I went on with them and tried not to think about it. 

Next month of unemployment went by in a haze. Days just melted together and became pretty much the same.
Every day I'd wake up at 6:30 (yes, even after stopping work, I've maintained the early wake-ups), brush my teeth, have coffee, prepare and eat breakfast and shower. After that I'd go and do my steps in the city. Mostly after grabbing a Latte from Coffee-In in Viru Keskus and then heading towards the Old Town, generally following the same path. The guy who's busking on one of the viewing platforms must already remember my face by now.
After that I'd come home and watch my TV shows and/or play some games. Two/three times per week I'd have a WhatsApp call with a friend from Australia, during which we'd watch some episode of the Drag Race franchise together. 
In the afternoon I'd go to the gym with a friend or two. Then come home, watch the 9PM news, watch YouTube, play games or watch a TV shows and then around 10 or 11PM I'd already go to sleep, so I could wake up nice and early and do it all again the next day.

***

Midsummers

On the 22nd of June I hopped on a train and went back to the village where I'm from. Mother asked me to come back for a night because the village was hosting the annual midsummers party/festival and as far as people know for now it might be the last (because the original organizer is tired of doing it). As it might be the last, I promised mom I'd go (even though I didn't really want to).
Luckily reality was much better than I had feared. For such a small village (plus the surrounding ones) there were a lot of people present and sooo many people that I didn't know. New generation had really grown. I remember someone saying at some point that the children of he village (meaning "kids" from my era) have now also gotten children. Everything had changed a lot and it was nice to see. The big bullies that I was a little afraid of, none of them showed up. Saw quite a few familiar faces from the childhood, some of them I didn't even recognize at first. Didn't talk to most of them. Didn't even greet most them (as for the majority of them I [luckily] saw them from a distance).
Mom also took me on a small tour to see the area around the river and the factory where she used to work when I was a kid and where I spent many years of my childhood running around in. The new owners had been doing a really good job maintaining it as it was, but also at the same time making it their own.
The midsummer's event for itself was nice. It had been happening ever since I can remember and the format hasn't really changed much. There are always some sort of tents that are selling something. This time you could find meat and French fries and other street foods, there were two lottery tables where you could win stuff and there were tents where you could buy alcohol. Some games for the adults (like how many times you can lift a (I'm guessing 20kg) kettlebell or how fast you can nail a long nail into a block of wood or a tug of war etc). There's always a band playing throughout the evening. Usually there's only one, as I remember from my child hood, but this time there were two. And as per the tradition of my country - of course there was a huge (I'm guessing a 2 meter) bonfire. It looked fantastic when it was in full fire.
Around 11:30pm me and mom went back to her place (she wants me to keep calling it home, but after living away for 16 years, it doesn't feel like my home anymore. It's her place. We talked for a bit and went to sleep pretty fast. For both of us it was way past our normal bedtime.

The next day an acquaintance from the village drove me to the nearest city. Mom was already there, she had taken her electrical bicycle ahead of us. Me and mom had lunch and she walked me to the train station.
Back in my own home I had over two hours to chill and then it was time to head to the next midsummer's eve event. This time with two Brazilians and a Dane and the location was in our open-air museum. This one had many sellers with different food (mostly for meat lovers, which Estonians generally are). The bonfire was also really beautiful in this event. I think it might have been also the same length as the bonfire from my previous night, though a tad bit thinner. So it burned bright and beautiful, but not for very long sadly. The bonfire was lit by some people in some local national clothes/costumes from many years ago. I couldn't really make out what they were saying (nor was I really paying that much attention since I was distracted by the smell of delicious grilled meat (sašlõkk in my language). At some point later I asked someone: what's up with the people running around the bonfire. She told me that it has something to do with luck, that you're supposed to do it twice - three rounds moving forwards and three rounds moving backwards. It was a little funny and silly to run around the bonfire in front of all these strangers, but I did it. xD Now waiting for my luck to kick in, because I'm really starting to be needing it. :D
The Brazilians saw our national dances and said some of the melodies where very similar to something that they had heard from back home from childhood. One of them was even pulled into a circle when dancing one of them and it was great to see him have fun. Overall it was a beautiful evening, worth remembering for me.

***

Short ones for the bank

*30.01.2023 - went to the shrink again for the first time. Didn't work for me, he was too into himself and telling me boring stories about himself that had nothing to do with me and took too much time. Overall it was too expensive for me anyway, even though I got a discount (though I shouldn't have had, but that's a whole other story). Lasted three sessions, but couldn't afford it much and didn't see much in it, so never made any new appointments.
*10.06.2023 - I participated in my first ever Pride march. Not only did I get to witness my first Pride march, I also got to walk in it too. A friend said it's okay with her company's people that I walk along with them. It was pretty cool to see so many different and colorful people, but the walk itself felt like forever. We didn't actually walk a long distance, but it felt like it took forever, because there were so many stops along the way...
*I keep playing the lottery, but not winning. Someone send some luck my way or just pray for me.
*Last October I filled out a Visa application for the States. It was this lottery one, where they'd let any one who wants (and who also meets some specific conditions) to enter their application for free and then randomly select people who get to continue with their steps for getting the visa. Lottery entrance ended somewhere in the end of October (or beginning of November, can't really remember), but the draw itself was only announced in May this year. You had to save some long ass code from the time you submitted your application to be able to check in May if you were selected or not. I printed out three copies of this code (because you had to save it immediately, there was no saving it in their systems) and then hid those three copies in different places, ensuring I'd find at least one of them on the 6th of May, when they promised to upload the results.
Come May 6th: no results posted in the early morning (around 9ish)... Come many days later (because I forgot about it): I wasn't selected... :'(
*The struggle with quitting nicotine still continues. I keep getting a week or two or a little more and then failing and smoking again for a day or two and starting over again. Current status of being nicotine free: 2 weeks, 19 hours, 50 minutes.

Some good tunes for you: 
Lazy Boy - Facts Of Life